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Bullying is one of those things that we all go through at some stage of our lives. Even as adults we can become victims of bullying.
I remember as a child I was always the person who felt bad for the underdog, the kids that other people picked on. I was never popular but I had learned young how to stand on my own two feet as I had a person in my life that was a bully to me most of my life.
But teaching our children how to stop the bullying in today’s world is a bit harder than when I was younger. There are many forms of bullying.
- Facebook, Twitter, texting, which is called cyberbullying.
- Face to face bullying including words and or physical.
- Behind someone’s back, gossiping talking bad about someone and ruining their reputation.
- Sexual
The older the child is, the tougher it can be to help them come to a solution. If your child learns to stand up for themselves at an early age they have learned the guidelines on how to prevent it in the future. However, what that might also do is create a bit of a tough exterior that might not be real making it hard to determine whether or not what you see is a true self-confidence or a fake tough exterior.
Here are 3 ways I know of that you can use to deal with face to face bullying. Two of them I used at different times with success. The 3rd option you will see I offered to my children but they wisely used the other options
1: teach them to walk away
2: teach them how to use a verbal resolution
3: step in and temporarily make it easier for them.
To teach them to walk away only works if you can help your child see they have grown much more than those around them, and generally only works with older children. Those that are bullying, especially if they are older children, will eventually grow up and until they do, walking away is quite often the best solution, although hard to do. If your child is in their teens or older, any form of dealing with it could lead to a bigger issue as the older the children the more legal impact could be involved. What you can do, is help your child cultivate different friendships with other more mature people. This will give them a foundation of friendship that is strong, stable and worthy of their time.
Teaching your child how to use verbal resolution is harder to do but so worth it especially for the younger children. You could actually teach them a different life lesson if they are willing to take the time to do this right and with your supervision.
I remember my son was getting bullied in grade two. He came home crying and telling me what happened and my heart broke. After we dried his tears I got him to retell the story by asking questions. When I got the full story out of him, I was able to show him that he did a few things wrong which probably started the bullying. After pointing out some of the things he could have done instead, he and I then went to work on helping him overcome the bully. I told him there were two ways to handle this. I could come to the school and demand that the teacher make this kid apologize and by doing this making him look like a mommy’s boy, or we could work together to come up with things to say and or do that would resolve the issues. He opted for the second choice, which I so proud of him for doing.
Every day no matter what happened he came home and relayed the day for me. Then I would ask him questions like, “so how could you have answered that” or “what could you have done in that situation”. To make a long story short as this took about five months of coaching, he learned how to respond and react to this bully and it soon stopped. He has never had a problem standing up for himself since then. To him, at the time the issue was huge and looked unbeatable. But to me as the adult, I saw it in perspective and could teach him how to correct his reactions to situations like this so they would not keep happening in the future. A life lesson for sure.
Bullying is not good, but it can teach your child so much and in turn, give them confidence if done right that might not have been learned any other way.
There are many ways to help prevent and/or stop bullying. If you have any other ideas that you can share with the readers please do so in the comments as we can all learn from each other.
This song says it all.
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Even the laws struggle with the issues of Spankings. Should you spank or not? Does it demoralize the child or is it a proper form of punishment?
One day my son informed me that he was going to call Children’s Aid on me
In shock, I asked him why he felt he wanted to do that, to which he replied, “the teachers told me that if parents punish us we can call Children’s Aid and get taken out of an abusive situation”.
Many different emotions were rolling around inside of me but it was pure frustration that won out. I picked up the phone, shoved it at him and told him “FINE if you want to call then call, but think about this; when they take you out of this house and put you into a foster home what makes you think you will be treated any better? Do you think they will love a perfect stranger as much as we love you? Will they give you the extras that we do or will they just buy you food and clothes? Will they spend time with you developing your gifts and skills? Will you be with your brother and sisters?” What I was most infuriated with was that that the school system felt they had the right to imply that a parent couldn’t use discipline.
When my son stood up and hung up the phone instead of dialing, my frustration died. I crumbled into the chair and almost cried at the absurdity of the situation. We ended up having a long discussion about what the school said and why? Then I proceeded to tell him how the ‘system’ worked, which the school conveniently left out. Taking the time to explain that if he really felt the punishments I doled out were worse than going to a strangers home, then I would not ever want to stop him from doing so. He never again threatened to call.
This incident had become a defining moment for me
The punishment my son was willing to challenge me on was not a spanking, or anything physical, it was having a small privilege taken away. In my discussion with him that day I informed him that I would never allow him or any of my children to threaten me again. If they felt my discipline was too harsh they had every right to leave, but the fact that he felt he could threaten a parent or anyone that has authority over him proved to me that the system had failed.
Our children have a right to know that they don’t have to stay in a home where they are being abused and I applaud the school system for letting children know this. However, if real abuse is happening the child probably won’t do anything about it out of terror. If anything, they would have just left the home and gone to where they felt it was safer. Anyone who has been in an abusive situation or seen it knows that for that child to have made a phone call or threaten the one abusing them would have just brought on more abuse.
So instead of just keeping an eye open for real abuse, the legal system is breaking down a family’s structure of the parent is the authority figure by stating that discipline equals abuse. With the schools not being able to dole out any form of discipline and now parents not being allowed to discipline, our children are running amok in both the homes, schools and in public. Our society is wondering why our children are not behaving. We complain that this generation is the ‘entitled’ generation and we have no one to blame but ourselves.
I am a huge believer in positive words being spoken to our children. I don’t think we do it near enough to empower our children to be all they can be. Speaking words of encouragement should be an everyday occurrence with our children. We can reinforce good behaviour with positive reinforcement, but positive words alone with not teach children there are consequences for bad behaviour. The proof that we all, even adults, need a punishment at times is in our legal system; tickets for speeding or jail time for stealing. If we have punishments set up for adults, please explain to me why it is wrong to do so for our children?
It is very true that we need to protect our children from abuse, so I am not suggesting that we don’t stay alert. Having a parent screaming at a child or ignoring a child is a much more emotional and damaging form of abuse and yet that seems to be going on all of the time. Nor do I think a spanking should consist of innumerable hits to any part of the body including the backside, as that is also abuse.
The problem is we have all misused the word so much we have watered down the meaning. The dictionary uses words like, violent & harmful when describing abuse. I do not think a swat or two on the behind fits into the category of violent or harmful. Hitting them until they are bruised, not taking care of their physical everyday needs, ignoring them and/or screaming at them continually is violent and/or harmful. When doling out corrections, we do need to do is stay in control. Never punish in anger, but have a clear, concise plan in mind if your child needs discipline and stick to what you say you will do. If you see a parent is not losing control but is disciplining their child, even if it is in a form you don’t believe is the proper way, let’s not be so quick to call officials as this parent is at least trying to do their job by bringing value and structure to their child’s life.
I am frustrated beyond belief that the extremists on either side of this fence have the power they do to affect our home life
We have come to the point where the question isn’t if I can spank, but if I can give any discipline at all. Our children are our responsibility to teach and train, not society’s, but if we don’t have the guts to do so, when our children grow up and get out into the world they will suffer the consequences for not knowing how to act, how to behave, and how to respect those in authority over them and that will be our fault.
The proof to me that discipline is still extremely important came to me one day when my one daughter who is 24 and now a friend as well, sent me a text message on my birthday saying “Thank you mom, for not being the parent I wanted you to be when I was 13 years old.” When you love your child enough to discipline, they know that it is because you love them enough to care about them even though at the time they might not say it or even fully understand all the implications. Don’t be bullied into doing any less for your child then loving them enough to teach them through both positive words and discipline. It doesn’t have to be one or the other, it should be both.
Check out this video on how to “Shape the will, without destroying the Spirit”
Or this video on Discipline Vr Punishment Vr Correction
credit for the picture goes to: http://www.safechildren.ca/ForParents/ParentingPrograms/PositiveDisciplineAgencies/tabid/1401/Default.aspx
All children will throw a temper tantrum, with the exception of those that are abused. It is not right, but it is one of the many things we as parents need to teach our children not to do. Like picking your nose in public, or not swearing.
By the time I had read this article, there were over 90 thousand views. Dear Mom of the Tantruming Toddler in Target. Why was it so popular; because as parents we have all been there and we have hoped that those looking on were sympathetic, not judgmental.
I realized from the numerous comments at the bottom of this article that the majority of the parents agreed with the author and think we should all be patient and kind to those parents who are dealing with a child that is throwing a temper tantrum, and I agree. I applaud the author as she is taking a stand and saying, ‘hey we have all been there, so don’t judge’.
For those of you that say you haven’t ever had a child misbehaves in public, I say you must be blessed to have been born with the baby Jesus as He is the only child I know that was born perfect. The rest of us have all had children that needed to be taught how to behave and when. We learned from our parents through discipline and/or consequences what was acceptable and what wasn’t and we are now responsible to teach our children.
The article doesn’t let us know if the parent tried to do anything to stop the temper tantrum or if they just simply decided to leave without addressing the issue of the child’s behavior.
As parents, we are hesitant to discipline or give a consequence in public, in fear someone will report us. I have heard many parents complain about the fact that our children have become the ‘me’ generation. By allowing this kind of behavior without any consequence, we the parents have been the reason for this generational attitude. We are supposed to teach our children right from wrong, what is acceptable and when. We don’t need to agree on how the child should be taught, but we should all agree that something should be taught.
If you are in control when you discipline and do not lose your temper, handling the situation rationally, we should not have the fear of being reported to Childrens Aid. If we see a parent working to teach their child in a public setting and someone comes up and starts to say something to that parent in a condemning way, let’s stand up for the parent. Let’s not be a hindrance to other parents while they are doing their job of raising their children to be well behaved, respectful individuals. And let’s all remember that it will take time, so be patient with a parent who is trying their best.
We are all different and think differently about the best way to discipline. I know for me there are times I think perhaps I can do better than my parents and I will try a different parenting style. At other times I think ‘I turned out pretty good’ so then I try some of the methods my parents used. As human beings, we are prone to think about what we would do in any given situation. Unfortunately, we judge when someone is handling the situation different than we would. We think we have a better or ‘the’ perfect answer, and maybe you do, so let’s find out.
If you have ever had to deal with a child throwing a temper tantrum in a public place, what did you do and did it work? Whether you agree or disagree with previous comments is not the issue…..so no judgments, just helpful tips and or suggestion.
Check out this video on Discipline Vr Punishment Vr Correction
Or this one on How to Shape the Will, Without Destroying the Spirit
Click here to take our Parenting Quiz to find out what kind of parent you are.
Dad’s you could do this and make your little princess feel so special. She would never forget it, and you would be her prince charming forever.
Our children need their dad’s. The role models in their lives that will teach them how to be a man, or how to be treated by a man.
Never underestimate the role of a father.
They are our heroes, our prince charming, protector, breadwinner, grass cutter, project maker, and so much more.
Yes, mom’s can and do all of those things too, but not like a dad.
Please check out this link called Daughters without Father/ Son’s without Mothers
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If your children don’t agree with you about how you do things or how you think, don’t panic. Your children deserve a right to have their own opinion.
As a parent, you have a right to have a strong belief in something and to teach your children why you believe what you believe. What you don’t have a right to do is force your beliefs on anyone, including your children. If what you believe is right and true your children will probably see it when they are older and come back to it, if, for any reason, they strayed away. Especially if you have allowed them to be an independent thinker instead of trying to insist they think like you do.
You should give your children the right to have a difference of opinion without feeling judgment from you. While my children were growing up I would stop what I was doing if they decided they wanted to talk about anything. I would take the time to always answer their questions. I would do what I could to find out what they thought as well. This helps develop their independent thinking but it also helps you do know what is going on in their head. This comes in handy in many areas. And the best part is, your child will learn that their opinion is valued even if you don’t agree with them, which will teach him the best lessons of all.
1. It is okay to think differently, as long as you have thought it through and have a solid reason for what you think.
2. We can all still get along even if we don’t agree.
Even to this day, I have long serious discussions with my adult children regarding issues, and they love to bring up the ones they know we disagree on. But I love it too. I love that I have taught them independent thinking. I do not want them to grow up to be a robot, or another ‘mini-me’. I true to ensure by asking my own questions back to them that they have solid reasons for believing what they believe and to live according to that.
Offering the door for discussion helps for two reasons.
1. It will show them where you stand on any given subject and why you believe what you do.
2. It will help them solidify where they stand on any given subject and will teach them to understand why they believe what they do.
There is a fine line between a child asking questions out of inquisitiveness or asking questions out of defiance. What we have to figure out as parents is how to allow them to have a difference of opinion but still respect our house rules an follow them. And so our teaching continues on another level as now we need to teach them to have respect for authority figures even if we don’t agree with them.
However you need to let them know you understand what they are stating, and although you don’t agree with their opinion, don’t put them down for having a different way of thinking. I always finished these kinds of discussions by explaining that as soon as they move out, they can do what they wish because then they will be paying for their own place and can make their own rules. Until then, they must obey your house rules as I am paying.
We have to be accountable for what we believe and do by letting our yes’s be yes and our no’s be no. We should not be wishy washy. If you have given serious consideration to what you are doing and why, and are willing to share your reasons, you have shown to your children by example how to do the same.
Teaching your children to be solid in what they think and why is one of the best ways to help them become the best they can be.
Judging those that might not agree with you or how they do things, whether that is your children or not, makes you the person that is in the position where you need to say to yourself….’judge not lest I be judged’.
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Parenting a child model. is it worth it? What are the end goals in doing this?
Is it all as glamours as it looks, having your child’s pictures in the most famous commercials or magazines working for the best companies in the marketing industry.
I interviewed a few so I could give you an in-depth look at the pro’s and cons of having children in the modeling industry.
The common thread with each of these parents is the amount of commitment THEY had to help their child get success. I am not saying they forced it, they didn’t. Many have other children in the family that are not interested in doing this and they didn’t push it at all. In fact, some of them seemed to be grateful the other children were not interested. But most loved the excitement and being with their children through every step of the process. None I interviewed gave me the impression that they were doing this to get fame for themselves or their child. In fact, most were doing it to help improve the funds for their child’s education.
Below are some questions I asked and the answers given:
If you had to do it all over again, would you? :
Answer: I would have actually started earlier! The reason is that a lot of work goes by clothing size breakdown, and not as much work seems to be available for them at 12 months. So I would have loved to have started him as a baby where more opportunities would have been.
What is your biggest struggle?
Answer: The biggest struggle we face is, of course, judgmental people. We do get some people who can be non-supportive. We plan to instill in our child that it’s okay to be different and have different talents and hobbies than other children and to never be ashamed of his success.
Did someone approach you on this or did you go looking for this?
The answer was split pretty evenly. Some parents were approached by a modeling agency, some other parents went looking for a good agency.
How many hours a week do this work?
Answer: It varies. Because the travel is so extensive we sometimes go twice or three times a week, and not at all the next.
Some pro’s and con’s based on these parents experience:
Pros:
- Money, securing a start on the child’s college fund. Every little bit helps!
- It helps children learn about confidence, as well as rejection. The children have to learn that there is a chance they may or may not get the job. They have to go planning on having fun and making possible friends so regardless if they get the job or not there is some good come from it.
- Opportunity! So many amazing opportunities can come for a child in this business, from modeling to TV/Film and even Broadway!
Cons:
- Time commitment; to be a parent in this industry you absolutely have to be available for auditions or bookings last minute, sometimes even the same day!
- Rejection; you and your child have to be okay with knowing they won’t book every single job they audition for.
- Sacrificing; you sometimes have to make sacrifices or cancel previous plans because you just got an audition. 99% of the time your agent/manager expects you to be available for opportunities they give you, big or small.
Do you have a final piece of advice? If a parent wants to get their child into this industry, I would recommend researching reputable agents thoroughly. You always want to be sure to meet with a few and see which one is the right fit for you and your child. Ask questions you may have, take notes to compare each.
Finally, If any agent or manager asks for fees upfront, run. I cannot stress enough to research every agent or manager you plan to meet with. You should never have to pay any fees to start your child in this business.
Want to know what kind of parent you are, take this Parenting Quiz
Pro’s and con’s of Working from Home and parenting.
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As a parent, these are the questions you should be asking about the medications if you have discovered your child has ADHD.
- How severe is my child and is medication the answer? For some children, the answer is absolutely, yes, for some the answer is no. Improving diet, using natural methods and spending the time to teach them to concentrate is enough.
- What are your rights in the school system if you do not put your child on medication? We all live in different areas; this is one you have to find out for your own particular area.
I wrote an article a short time ago regarding ADHD regarding the struggles both my daughter and I have dealt with in the school system. My intent is not to say that all children who suffer from any form of ADHD should be handled the same way we chose, as I think every situation needs to be handled individually. If you are in a situation where you have done your research and your specialist says your child is not sever enough to be on medication and you are struggling with feeling bullied to put your child on medication, here is our story. I hope it gives you the courage to do what you feel is right for you and your child.
The school my grandson was in was insisting that my daughter put her son on medicine as they felt that was the only way to control him enough so he could learn. After many doctor appointments and doing a great deal of research, my daughter came to the conclusion that her son was capable of learning without meds. He is basically a good boy and is not overly disruptive when he was given the proper help and diet. Yes, he was a typical boy in all areas, meaning very active, loved to play outdoors, a bit rough at times. His ADHD did bring that out a bit more. But we did discover that he could concentrate, just not for as long as all other children.
We didn’t expect the school system to work one on one with him. We just expected them to allow him into the class and if he got disruptive to take him out until he could re-enter and do the work that was needed to be done. Repetition of taking him out of the situation until he acted appropriately had been very effective at home, and we were confident it would work at the school as well.
Human’s all learn how to work situations to their favor very quickly and children are no exception to this rule. My grandson got a bit rough with a child at school and got sent home. Not long after that, it happened again and soon it became a regular occurrence. My daughter kept asking the school to put him on detention in the office, even for the whole day if they needed to. Sending him home was rewarding him and he was not learning the right thing. My daughter was called into the school time after time to attend meetings or to be told she had to pick up her son. This caused her to lose many hours of work as they were refusing to allow her son to stay at the school at all. He was not expelled as he was not truly hurting anyone, but the school didn’t seem to want to deal with this. Even though his mother gave them permission to do whatever was necessary to help him learn his behavior was not acceptable, they refused. Strangely, this all started after my daughter had said no when the school had suggested she put her son on medicine for his ADHD. She informed the school that neither she nor his doctor felt he was sever enough to warrant this course of action.
After calling a district supervisor of our school board I found out that in my area the parents have the final decision if their child should be on medicine and that the parent can insist that the child is left in the school for ‘in school’ suspension rather than be sent home. My daughter insisted the school take this option because sending him home was rewarding him, which was causing a cycle of bad behavior. Although my grandson is in school all day now, the school is still giving him a hard time and insisting he go directly to the office as soon as he gets to school, without even giving him a chance. So we need to tend to this issue next.
Please understand I am not saying all schools or all teachers treat children with ADHD in this manner. Nor do I assume they all insist children with ADHD be on medication. I have had a lot of teachers who taught my child with ADHD and did a great job with him. They didn’t make me feel bullied for not putting him on medication and I appreciated them so much. This allowed me to know that the doctors and I were right and that my son could effectively learn if the teacher was willing to help us.
Upon asking some personal friends who are higher up in the school board system their opinion here is what they had to say: There are more children on medication then needs to be. It is possible the parents are feeling pressured into putting their child on medication, and they strongly suggest that parents do all they can to get the right information for their child and not to assume that ADHD = medicine.
My daughter and I both felt bullied and had a fight on our hands because we didn’t put our children on medicine by both the school system and the teacher. I felt huge ridicule from my first article on ADHD from the readers assuming I didn’t know what I was talking about, stating that ‘if I did I would not have made my son or my grandson go without medicine‘.
If you feel like I am judging you or what you do with your family in this area, then you have not heard what I am really saying here or in my last article. Let me state my point very clearly:
- There are some people out there that put their child on medication because it makes their child easier to deal with.
- There are some that don’t put their child on medication because they don’t believe in medication of any kind.
- I do not fall into either of those categories.
If after you have researched ADHD including: what the benefits and/or side effect to either taking or not taking medicine are; if a specialist in this field (not a family doctor) has given you their recommendation; then you need to do what you feel is right for your child. I don’t know your situation so I have no right to judge you or your decision. If you feel that medicine is what is needed for your child to learn and grow in the proper way, then please do not let anyone pressure you into doing anything other than what you feel is right for your child. Extend the same courtesy to those of us that have also done all our research and do not feel our children need to put on medicine.
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*picture supplied by www.friendshipcircle.org
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One of the best resources that I have read while raising my children was a book called ‘The five love languages of children’. I read that book completely amazed that something so simple had escaped me. This book will help you understand your child and the best way to love them.
Click this link to do the quiz,
and here to order the book
There are many different ways our child can feel and respond to love. It is important that you learn what those are. Does your child like to be hugged and kissed more, or do they like gifts? Do they appreciate being told they are good at something? Having movie night or playing a game might be the best way to show your child love. Or they just might love it when you do little things for them. That is what will help them to feel loved.
Here is a list of the 5 love language, but please read the book because there is so much helpful information in there that will help you to discover what your child needs. Helping you get to know your children and learn what their favourite love language is.
- receiving gifts.
- quality time.
- words of affirmation.
- acts of service (devotion)
- physical touch.
I found this resource to be helpful in all of my relationships in my life. With my husband, with my children, with my siblings, my parents, and even with my co-workers. The truth is we all want to be ‘loved’ and we all see ‘love’ as something different.
Here are some other resources that might be helpful for you as a parent all dealing with love in one way or the other.
How about Tough love? Do you know what that is or what it looks like? Watch this video to hear my story on Tough Love
What to know what the ‘Love Cycle’ is?
Want to read some free chapters in my parenting book? Click here
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Discipline the child, not yourself seems like a simple thing, right? But how often have you doled out punishment and realized that you have created more work for yourself than the child?
“No television for a week,” you say in a stern voice assuming this is the best punishment. After lunch, when he normally would have had an hour to watch television, you now realize you do not have that hour to do what you had planned on doing. Or perhaps you grounded a child from going somewhere and now you have to stay home as well. Who did you really give the punishment too, him or you?
It is more important that we make a discipline fit the crime, but we also need to stop and consider if what we pick to be the discipline will be too hard for you to follow through with. We also have the right and should at least stop to consider what our options are before we dole out discipline to see if we can make it fit the crime and not cause us undue stress as well. There will be times you will just have to endure the extra time and/or stress it might put on your life to ensure the discipline is carried because it is much more important to teach the lesson than it is for us to have a convenient punishment.
I cannot stress this next part enough so please know that the number one thing your child must never know is if the punishment is inconvenient for you. Chances are they will try and use that against you to get out of the punishment. Because you are human and have human weaknesses, allowing them to use the inconvenience to their advantage might actually work. Let’s face it, if you have had a hard day or you are overtired you might be tempted to just give in. We have all done it.
It is important that when you are setting disciplines that the discipline should fit the crime. But more importantly, you must also take into consideration the personality of the child. My one daughter that I talk about in the article “Be a fair parent” hated waiting to find out what the punishment was. I would send her to her room or downstairs to the basement to wait and find out what I would come up with. Most of the time I did this so that I could cool down and think rationally. I later found out this was a bigger punishment than the actual punishment so I learned to use this discipline for her as it worked better than what I could dole out after. She was not aware that after I figured this out I didn’t make the punishments too harsh, and I knew she had already been punished enough.
My second son was very active and extremely interactive, so putting him in his room for a time out was the best thing for his personality. Not allowing him to talk to us and having nothing to do or play with as his room had no toys in it was effective for him. I have since learned, “What is a bedroom for”, so learned making his time out in the corner was a much better idea. My youngest daughter was quiet and withdrawn, but she loves approval. Her knowing she disappointed me was usually punishment enough for her.
My oldest child was the hardest. Probably because I was not experienced enough to even know to look for a punishment that would fit the crime and personality. I struggled a while before I got a handle on this one. When I figured out that his biggest joy was to spend time with me, especially after the other children came along, not allowing him to have his special time with me was a very suitable punishment for him. Although painful for me to see his disappointment, it was the most effective way to discipline him. However as some readers pointed out to me, this is not the best idea especially if you are going to do this for long periods of time. I was fortunate to only have to use this a couple of times. I would not have continued on using this if it had to be used a lot.
Another point to be made is that as time goes on your choices of discipline will probably change as your children will change. So be flexible and as your children grow, allow yourself to grow. Although not everything other people use will be a good fit for you and your family, it is worth getting advice from others to see if they have anything new you have not tried. We all can help each other in this struggle to be good parents.
There are two primary thoughts here: First, know your children, what makes them tick, why they do the things they do and you will learn quickly which discipline will be best suited for their personality. Second, you also need to remember not to make the punishment too hard or too lenient and try hard not to make it too extreme for you to follow through with.
Raising children is hard work, let’s stop and think about ways of making it easier to accomplish the proper goals.
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*motherhood.modernmom.com
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Have you ever sat across the table from one or more of your children and wondered where they came from.
Of course, you are not thinking of the literal sense, but as you are gazing at this precious child who is doing and/or saying things you just didn’t picture your child capable of, you realize that you don’t even know what they are thinking or why? You question what you missed because they seem to be so different than you or your other children.
I had an acquaintance start to tell me about her son. “He always seems to want more and more. I wouldn’t say he is spoiled because we don’t give into his wants, but it concerns me that he is never satisfied. My daughter is nothing like that.”
My passion is to help parents see the potential in their children and to teach them how to make their child be all they were designed to be so I decided to ask her a few questions to see if there was more to this than she was seeing. I asked her if she felt like her son was more ‘like’ herself or her husband. After thinking for a couple of minutes she said: “probably more like her husband”. I asked if her husband was still in the landscaping business. Shaking her head yes, I continued to probe further with questions regarding his school work, his hobbies, and his friends. I concluded at the end of all the questions, that this was not a behavioral issue.
It is true as parents sometimes we just don’t see what is right in front of our faces, either because we are too close to the situation, or because it is nothing we have ever thought of before. The truth is it is hard to look at a situation differently than the way we have always looked at it. Having a child who always ‘wants things‘ does seem like a behavioral issue and in this case, she needed an objective eye to see that it probably wasn’t what she thought.
Wanting her to see another possible reason for her son behavior I asked, “Is it possible your son, being more like your husband just wants more because he was born with a drive that makes him entrepreneurial? Maybe this need to have more is not a selfish thing at all but an internal push to do more, try harder, to have more, but in the business sense. Without the ‘want for more’ he wouldn’t be able to push himself enough to do what he would need to do to ‘achieve more‘.”
The smile on her face was priceless. I love it when a parent says, “I haven’t thought of it that way before”, which then usually leads them to say, “Well now I know how to work with him”. Guiding a parent to think differently about a situation then gives them a chance to at least see it from a different point of view. In time, after this mom goes home and starts to work with her son, she will determine in herself if this really is what drives him or if it is indeed a behavioral issue.
Let’s realize our children are not carbon copies of us.
They are unique and as individual as the stars. All bright and beautiful but with each having their own style and shine which visibly sets them apart from one another, even hundreds of miles away.
Your job as their parent is to find out what they like, what gives them joy and help them fulfill what their destiny is. Don’t assume that if they think or act differently than you that they are wrong in what they are doing, but instead try and look at it from what their personality might be dictating them to be.
Not all the things you see will be something unique that makes them stand out from the norm in your family. Some of their traits might be harmful, so take the time to watch, learn and help develop who they are and see if this trait you spotted can be used to help develop them into the shining star they are meant to be or if it is a behavioral issue you need to address.
Chances are you won’t have the answer right away so be patient in your pursuit of discovering who they are and help them learn to be all they can be.
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thanks to simplyputonline for the picture: http://www.simplyputonline.com/article.aspx?id=97#.VOPG0fnF8fU
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Love taught, what does that mean?
Having a bad day yesterday brought one thing to light. The things that mean the most are the simple things. We hear this constantly but rarely do we understand the depth of it’s worth.
When my daughter gave me a hug and said “I love you mom” on her way out the door to school, I melted. My day had already had a turn in the wrong direction, but that one little gesture from her lifted my spirits.
Later my husband came home and he had been having a bad day as well. I could see it on his face. Nasty things said to him from family members that were hurtful and caused him a great deal of pain. While having supper, my son ends up putting another damper on the night with his opinion of our generations lack of education when it comes to social media and how that impacted his life.
Seeing the hurt and anger on my husband’s face was more than I could bear. I had two choices. I could revert into myself, read my book and try and forget about the world for the night, or I could reach out and spread some lov’n to those that mean the most to me. Although my son’s treatment of us was not acceptable I choose to ensure I gave him a kiss and hug before he left for the night. A small thing but enough for him to know he is loved regardless of his action.
For the love of my life, I gave my full attention. I usually have a lot to do and can fill up an evening quickly with work. But last night I choose to stop everything and spend the night with my husband. Being reminded by that hug in the morning from my daughter and realizing a little goes a long way, I snuggled up to my husband, let him pick something to watch and relaxed in the knowledge that our love was enough for when the times were rough. It doesn’t fix the problems but it sure does smooth out the edges.
If you have taught your children to show affection, it will be returned to you when you need it most. Tell me your recent stories of something your child did to change your day for the better.
Thanks to this link for the picture: http://quotez.co/a-hug-is-all-you-need-love-quotes/
Want to know more about love. Check out this video on ‘The Love Cycle’.
And this one on ‘Tough Love’
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I have an opinion on everything. My opinion, much like yours, is based on my own life experiences and what I have been willing to learn from others. I do believe my opinions are right for me and my family and I have reasons for why I believe the things I do. I have a solid ground on which I stand. Rules and guidelines that govern how I live my life and how I raise my children.
When I share my opinion I am not saying I am right and you are wrong. I give my opinion and then I sit back and hear what others have to say. Even though some readers are cruel in their responses, I find many have some very helpful things to input. I am given the opportunity to rethink what I am saying and doing and/or to see if there might be more to any given subject than just my own narrow thoughts on it. I, like you, will only change my mind if someone can logically, lovingly articulate their opinion.
Despite what we believe we should not be casting stones at others who think differently than we do. When you start judging others just because they do things differently or think differently than you, you probably won’t have anyone take heed in your opinion. We all have opinions, but we should not have judgments. We should listen and understand that we are all made differently, think differently, therefore will handle things differently.
As long as parents truly love their children and are trying to be the best they can be for family, then who cares if their opinion is different. Let’s be kind and understand without being judgmental of someone else’s opinions. Is this possible?
Let’s learn from our young children and watch what they do when someone doesn’t agree with them or hurts them. They shrug their shoulders and move on. If they get hurt they don’t assume that child hurt them on purpose, instead, they pick themselves back up and continue playing. Not until we make a judgment about the situation do they even care. Let’s not influence our children into judgments, instead, let’s try to be more like them!
Thanks to my two oldest for the featured picture.
Here is something I have a very strong opinion on. Click here to watch what that might be.
Click here for another subject that I think others are pushing their opinions on society and creating a huge problem.
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